Relationships, Showing love

Breaking the Anger Cycle

margueriteBanana bread wafts from the kitchen. My three kids’ bellies are pleasantly full of the warm treat as the sun quiets its rays through sheer curtains. The smell of fall fills our home with hope for the new season. 

A piercing scream interrupts the sweet silence.

My youngest child’s pounding feet shake the floor as she screams, “Stop it!” 

“No, she did!” the oldest yells toward me.  

I sigh deeply.  Another day, another argument. 

Does your house sound the same? Maybe you don’t have young children, but you know these heightened volumes and tight chest all too well from your childhood or those closest to you. 

I used to join in and loudly demand the kids to stop and go to their rooms. Or even worse, I’d yell, “Don’t yell!” with no results. 

Through desperate prayer and time in the Bible, God reminded me of these wise words from the Old Testament book of Proverbs, 

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV).

Now, we are putting this into practice. Instead of parenting from the other room, I walk to the room they are in, get down to their level, and say, “Gentle answer.” This is our reminder to stop, take a breath, and pray for help. We are allowed to check anyone in our home with this phrase. Sometimes we immediately change our tone and peacefully move forward, diffusing the situation, while other times, a calm-down break is needed. 

I avoid arguments, but those closest to me may experience my nippy words or harsh tone which demand my way. God’s Word says to be delicate in our response. 

Calm words turn away the burning anger within. My words and how I say them can either incite more anger or diffuse a situation. Often, hurt people want to shout everything that is wrong. This wise proverb says the opposite. Instead of spitting fire, we are to remain gentle and calm. Nothing good comes from one person walking away defenseless and weak, and another prideful and outraged. Calm words turn away the burning anger within. My words and how I say them can either incite more anger or diffuse a situation. Click To TweetGinnyQuoteAnger

God brings His peace into our frustrating situations, and we can trust that He will work it out for us. 

As I taste the sweet banana bread and sip my coffee, I reflect on the impact of words. Do they cause shame and accusation or bring life? Am I helping to shift an argument to a peace-filled conversation?God brings His peace into our frustrating situations, and we can trust that He will work it out for us. Click To Tweet

How are you responding gently to anger around you? Are your words and tone soft or harsh? What strategies can you use to make your answers more gentle?

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Wholly Loved Ministries is a non-profit organization that exists to help women live in Christ’s freedom. Donate now to support our mission or contact us to learn more.

 

Meet Ginny Davidson!

Ginny Davidson's author headshotGinny is an overcomer, brain tumor survivor, wife, and mother boldly declaring God’s hope and peace. After completing her M.A. in Education from Grand Canyon University, she speaks so others can experience freedom from anxiety and life change. Whether it’s a conversation over a steaming cup of chai on her couch or sharing with a group at a retreat or Bible study, Ginny is compelled to share the message of the peace-filled life to a world of women plagued by fear. In the evenings she can be found outside with her husband and kids, attending dance parties around the record player in the living room, or highlighting a great book.

Heart Issues, Showing love

Heart Condition Change

gerbera-flower

Did you know today’s children and young adults are the least Christian generation our nation has ever had?

It’s true.

So recently, when my daughter came crying to me about “fake” friends who consistently lie (about big and small things) and have no follow-through on what they say they’ll do, I reminded her about the fact above.

Because, see, my daughter isn’t a perfect friend. Neither am I! We’ve both messed up numerous times and had to ask for forgiveness from God and those we’ve wronged. But we do have conviction, which is not the same as condemnation which refers to guilt and shame. Conviction comes from the Holy Spirit, who lives within us and keeps us from sin and stirs repentance when we fail. The Holy Spirit is just that: holy. Therefore, any sin ruffles His feathers, so to speak. All sin breaks the Almighty’s heart.As Christ followers, the Holy Spirit who lives within us convicts us of sin. The Holy Spirit is just that, HOLY. Click To Tweet

But those without the Holy Spirit don’t feel conviction the same way when they hurt someone else, whether intentionally or unintentionally. They don’t receive the same prompt or drive from their soul to be loyal, truthful, or forgiving.Without the Holy Spirit, people don’t feel conviction the same way when they hurt someone else, whether intentionally or unintentionally. They don’t receive the same prompt from their soul to be loyal, truthful, or forgiving. Click To Tweet

Satan blinds and deceives non-believers and entices them to sin. They have no power to resist it, but believers do.

This deception affects our young generation and blinds humanity to atrocities. It hinders our boldness to speak out and gains generations of footholds to keep us in bondage to the devil and his schemes of dissension, hurt, pain, abuse, and death. The lack of the Holy Spirit or the stuffing of Him down has blinded us to atrocities, made us uncomfortable so as to keep us quiet, and gained generations of footholds to keep us in bondage to the devil. Click To TweetIt’s no wonder these young people aren’t turning to God when they see their elders acting the way they do. How can we expect right reactions to injustices, abuse, or lies if our heart is already in a state of sadness and disorder? How can we expect those who cause the abuse, distresses, and disagreements in our country to see their own faults if their heart is also diseased? And what if we’re the ones causing this heartache and don’t see it?

Kristen Quote

Only the Holy Spirit can change our young generation and our world. God needs to transform the heart to affect systematic change. We can’t expect others to respond correctly if they’re unaware of a problem. We must call upon Jesus for revival and awakening—for how can we be only revived if we’ve never awakened to God in the first place? Our youth must recognize their heart disease, challenge it, fix it, heal it, and then move forth, serving God in His Kingdom work.

We must recognize our own heart disease, challenge it, and invite God to fix it, and heal it, then we must move forth, serving God in His Kingdom work. Click To TweetHow? We start by inviting people into our homes. Those of all ages, including those who don’t look like you. Love them well. Care about them. Listen to them. Be someone they can count on in a world that lets them down. With God’s guidance, we can help soften hearts through Christian love.

So, as I try with meager parenting skills to guide my daughter in relationships, I can invest in her generation. I can welcome her friends into my home and care for them in tangible ways like cooking and transporting. I can always invite them to church with us, support their activities, and say, “I love you.”

What can we all do to affectively change hearts around us? Let us know in the comments below!

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Join Wholly Loved’s Jennifer Henn for this great study.
Join through Zoom’s online video conferencing here: ttps://us02web.zoom.us/j/6706857130

Wholly Loved Ministries is a non-profit organization that exists to help women live in Christ’s freedom. Donate now to support our mission or contact us to learn more.

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