Let’s talk about this! Join the Wholly Loved community to connect with other ladies, share your struggles and celebrations, and inspire one another to be all God created us to be!
Let’s talk about this! Join the Wholly Loved community to connect with other ladies, share your struggles and celebrations, and inspire one another to be all God created us to be!
It’s easy to allow discouragement to morph into disillusionment and for disillusionment to taint our heart, distancing us from God and blinding us to His hand. But, as my guest today shares, if we’re alert and prayerful, if we’re diligent to hold tight to truth and Christ, disillusionment can also lead to incredible growth and can provide a glorious redirection.
I Didn’t Think it Would be Like This.
We never saw it coming. I expected this kind of behavior from a non-believer, but from a Christian?
The gap between my expectations and my reality left my tender soul shredded into tiny little pieces, like the bits of paper you throw as confetti. Except this was no celebration. I wondered how a heart ripped to shreds could ever be whole again.
Enter disillusionment; the place where expectations and reality collide.
I remember thinking, How did this happen? Why did this happen?
I’ve heard the same sentiment echoed a thousand times by women in different circumstances: The wife whose husband walked out the door; the couple that followed God’s leading, only to be hurt by those they tried to help; the gal who battled health and financial crisis; the woman who stepped out in faith, and failed. And then there’s the mom of the toddler, the mom of the teenager, the mom of the prodigal, and the sweet gal who just wants to be a mom.
They all wrestle with the thought: I didn’t think it would be like this.
But it is.
So, what now?
Generally, disillusionment doesn’t happen overnight (although it can). Typically, disillusionment starts as disappointment, which leads to discouragement, which morphs into discontentment, which lands as disillusionment. Think of it like this:
Disappointment + Time = Discouragement
Discouragement + Time = Discontentment
Discontentment + Time = Disillusionment
How do you know if you’ve moved from disappointment to disillusionment?
You’ve lost hope.
You’ve checked out.
You’re desperate to control.
You’re mad at God.
You’re suspicious of others.
You’ve given up on your faith, yourself, or God.
May I whisper just a few words of hope to you? You. Are. Not. The. First.
In the Bible, the prophet Elijah dealt with disillusionment. So did Sarah, the matriarch to the Jewish nation revealed in Genesis, and Job, the ancient man whose intense suffering is revealed in the Bible book bearing His name. At some point, most of us travel through the dark tunnel of disillusionment. How we deal with disillusionment determines how we come out on the other side. Click To Tweet
So how can we handle disappointment so it doesn’t morph into disillusionment, and derail us?
It’s OK to feel sad when things don’t turn out like we hoped. Part of navigating disappointment before it becomes disillusionment is to acknowledge our loss.
During difficult seasons David, ancient Israel’s second king, poured out his heart to God. “Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8 NIV).
1 Peter 5:7 tell us to “cast all your anxiety upon Him, for He cares for you.”
When we pour out our problems to God, God pours in His perspective to us.If we bottle our burdens we may become convinced God doesn’t care, but if we cast our burdens we may be certain God does. Click To Tweet
Disillusionment occurs when we feel something is not as good as we believed it to be. These beliefs are based on expectations.
Unexamined expectations are likely to be unrealistic expectations, and unrealistic expectations are likely to become unrealized expectations.
Unrealized expectations leave us disappointed, discouraged, discontent, and disillusioned.
When an expectation isn’t realistic, it’s easy to become disillusioned, so we must ask, “Is my expectation realistic?”
When disappointment leaves us reeling, we have two choices: Run to God, or run from God. One choice brings closeness and comfort; the other choice brings distance and disillusionment.
Is it always easy to rely on God while enduring difficulty? No, it isn’t.
But reliance on God during my storm brings redemption from God to my story. Click To Tweet
Joseph, the ancient Hebrew turned Egyptian slave, experienced this first hand, after his brothers’ betrayed him. Because Joseph clung to God through the heartache and hurt, he could look his brothers square in the eye and declare, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:20 NIV)
How do you handle disappointment from unmet expectations? What lessons have you learned by choosing to rely on God, even when it’s hard?
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV)
Get to know Donna!
A pastor’s wife and national speaker, Donna Jones is a Bible teacher/explainer, who’s spoken in twenty-five states and on four continents, keynoting events of more than 1000. Donna is the author Seek: A Woman’s Guide to Meeting God, Raising Kids with Good Manners, and Taming Your Family Zoo, and is a contributing author to the 365-day devotional, A Moment to Breathe. She has been on numerous radio and television shows, including Focus on the Family and Good Day Dallas, and writes regularly for Crosswalk.com.
Donna loves sipping a really good cup of coffee, and hanging with her pastor/hubby or one of their three young adult kids, who frequently sit on her kitchen counter just to chat. Donna would love to connect with you at www.donnajones.org or on Instagram at donnaajones.
Disillusionment hurts and can derail us or push us to draw us closer to Jesus. For those of you who’ve been doing our Becoming His Princess study, you’ll see, for Sarah, unmet longing appeared to follow the negative progression Donna warns us of in her post. As Donna shared, we all face this risk. When disillusionment hits, it can drive us closer to Jesus or distance us from Him. You can hear my thoughts on this, and how we can actively guard our hearts against this, in Becoming His Princess’s opening session, week three. Listen HERE.
You can listen to session two HERE.
And you can pick up your own copy, free, HERE.
If you live local, you can still join us for live teaching each Tuesday night at Wildewood Christian, located in Papillion. You can also join us, starting in March, for live teaching on Tuesday mornings or evenings (two options) at Christ Community Church in Omaha. (Registration links will open soon.)
Want us to come to your church? Contact us HERE.
Hate is a word I never use unless I’m talking about cancer.
It’s a festering, growing batch of cells that leads to sickness and destruction in one’s body. When it attacks someone you love, everything within you rages and aches.
I detest the joy cancer steals, and the life it tries to take. I abhor its effect on families and the financial stress it creates. I especially hate the physical pain it causes and how it can trigger a wavering faith.
I wish it didn’t exist.
But it does. So my hatred is an ill use of my time. And, therefore, I avert my focus from disdain back to what I love— Jesus and my family. Yes, my little sister has cancer, but I choose to concentrate on my adoration of Him and her.
Watching someone I love endure pain erodes my heart a little each day, leaving me on the verge of tears constantly. But as I concentrate on Jesus, the Healer, and my love for my sister, I can rebuild some of that erosion.Watching someone I love endure pain erodes my heart, but as I concentrate on Jesus, the Healer, I can rebuild some of that erosion. Click To Tweet
Although to be frank, praying in the midst of heartache, no matter what kind, is challenging. I’ve counseled many to remember that God is good and loving and kind. But what good is there in this disease? Or maybe you’re asking, “What good is there in losing a loved one?” Or a marriage? Or a career?
My limited, human viewpoint has a hard time seeing through the cloud of grief. Sure, I notice droplets of joy along the way— a new medicine working, a successful surgery, a clearheaded afternoon— but the hardships remain.
So what can we do when we’re feeble and frail?
We remember the Holy Spirit is interceding for us. Romans 8:26-27 says, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”
These are heavy verses, so let’s break them down.
When we’re physically tired and spiritually drained, when we have no idea what to ask God for, or when anger confuses our judgment, we can count on the Holy Spirit for help. Click To TweetWhen we’re physically tired and spiritually drained, when we have no idea what to ask God for, or when anger confuses our judgment, we can count on the Holy Spirit for help. He’s our Advocate (John 14:26 & 15:26), who speaks to God on our behalf, and since the Holy Spirit is God living in us, who understands all things, He knows exactly how to pray for our situation. He will and can only plead for us according to the will of God. And since God is fully good and perfect, His will is also good for all.
I’ve sobbed to God with misplaced words and disjointed thoughts, finally crying out, “God, You know! You know!” He understands “what we ought to pray for”, and immediately does.
If you’re up against trials, a confusing path, or a hatred you can’t get past, drop to your knees and ask the Holy Spirit to “groan” on your behalf. Jesus knows what you and your loved ones need. Trust Him to get you through your battle.
Let’s talk about this! When has it been hard for you to pray? Share your thoughts in the comments below, so we can learn from and encourage each other.When has it been hard for you to pray? Share your thoughts, so we can learn from and encourage each other. Click To Tweet And make sure to engage with us on Facebook and Instagram where we post daily snippets of encouragement.
Scripture taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION(R), NIV(R) Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. (R) Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Fear is a sneaky prowler.
If you’ve been a Christian for a while, you may be able to recite 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV): “God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control.” I, personally, have recalled and repeated this verse many times. Like when my little sister was diagnosed with brain cancer. Or when our home was going through a short sale and we had to move. We had nowhere to go and would be taking my daughter out of school in the middle the year.
I recognized my need for God to help with my fear during these life-alternating events, when my future looked bleak, or dread paralyzed me. In those moments, I could confess my lack of faith that God was in the midst of my hardships alongside me and had a plan for my family’s future.
But fear is also a silent, creeping death trap. It’s like a slow breeze caressing your face that you don’t realize is there.
Recently, the spirit of fear snuck into my life. I have a teenage daughter in middle school—some of you sent up a silent prayer for me just then—and a few weeks ago I had to help her navigate some heavy stuff. Think social media at its worst, and you’ll probably be close to imagining what we were battling. And in truth, she seemed to get through it smoothly, to snap out the sadness and hurt quickly. But what about me?
This incident wrecked me—made me physically sick. It felt as if the pit of my stomach was caving in on itself, and I could think of nothing else for days. I walked around in constant, nagging pain. I prayed over and over for God to move in this situation. I prayed for our kids, their friends, their influences, for protection over their lives. I wrote all of this off as a normal part of parenting, a part of the journey.
Then, I ran into a friend. I knew she’d been dealing with some tough situations pertaining to her teenager and asked her how she was doing. She said something along the lines of, “I’m doing okay. I had to release her to God. I can’t be fearful. I have to trust and have faith He’s working.”
In that moment, I realized all my symptoms—physical and emotional—were really fear, masked as what I thought was a standard part of being a mother. The enemy was causing havoc and keeping me bound like a slave. The devil had used my love for my daughter to weaken my faith in God, and that’s exactly what happened. I didn’t trust enough and believe enough that once I’d prayed about the situation, He would respond.
Don’t allow the spirit of fear trap you in faithlessness. After I went to God with my pain and lack of wisdom over how to help my daughter, I should’ve trusted that He’d set into motion a plan. And then kept praying that I got out of the way to let Him do His thing and claimed victory over the situation.
We must be careful not to allow fear to control our minds. Recite 2 Timothy 1:7 often, not just in the big events and hardships of life, but in the day-to-day struggles as well. When you feel anxious, pray to God and release the fear to Him. He’s got an outcome, one way better than you could orchestrate for yourself. Continue to pray for faith, direction, and wisdom, but never allow fear to seep in. Claim it’s not allowed to live within you in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Let’s talk about this! When have you allowed fear to sneak up on you? How did you deal with removing it from your life?
If you enjoyed today’s post, would like more inspirational content sent directly to your inbox, and want to stay up-to-date regarding what’s new with us, make sure to sign up for our free quarterly e-mailing. You can do that HERE.
by Chaka Heinze
Sometimes hardship levels us. Leaves us broken and struggling to find the strength to face each new day.
My family has recently come through a season of trial. Just typing that made me smile. I’d be more honest to say the past few months have been such an uncertain time regarding our youngest son’s health, I’ve spent many a night battling fear and anguish, watching him struggle with pain and a tangible fear of imminent death.
Much of this hardship left me wrestling with the purpose of pain in our lives. But when I opened my Bible for comfort, I was smacked in the face with scriptures like Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 4:17. The NIV says, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
Light and momentary? Surely, he wasn’t referring to a situation such as ours. Paul would never dismiss the severity of a child’s illness as the family endures hospitalizations and sleepless nights, grappling with issues of life and death.
If you know anything about the Apostle Paul, you know he meant every word he wrote. He was a man who faced floggings, imprisonment, shipwrecks, persecution, rejection, and ultimately death, for his calling. And he was writing to an audience whose reality included the possibility they and their families might be mistreated, imprisoned, or even murdered for their faith in Jesus. When Paul wrote the Greek equivalent of “light and momentary troubles,” he knew exactly who he was talking to and what he was saying.
And yes, he was talking to me, too.
The truth that enabled Paul to overcome all obstacles, that empowered him to sing after being beaten and thrown in prison, and to rejoice while in chains, was the knowledge that no pain he endured could compare to the glory waiting for him in heaven. For Paul, every suffering brought him not closer to death, but closer to God.
All suffering for the Christian in this present age is meant to thrust us toward our heavenly Father.
All suffering for the Christian in this present age is meant to thrust us toward our heavenly Father. No other purpose is big enough to touch the wound when a parent loses a child, or when one receives a cancer diagnosis, or when one spouse leaves another.
In the middle of our hardship, there was little solace to be found in the fact others saw our family as strong, or learned a lesson from our pain, or got the chance to serve us. Such a poignant level of loss needs the supernatural relief of knowing there’s something greater on the other side of hardship. It feels almost disrespectful to think a God of love would allow our family to suffer for anything less than our greatest good—to bring us closer to Him.
Pain still wounds. Loss must still be mourned. And God promises to walk with us through our trial. The truth doesn’t remove the need to process, but it can fill us with hope for the future promised to those who believe in Jesus Christ for salvation.
Our exquisite pain, when weighed on the scale of eternity, can help put our troubles into proper perspective. Light and momentary. The sting of suffering on this earth will be forgotten when we’re basking in the coming glory with our Lord.
This truth helps our family face an uncertain future with hope. This understanding helped Paul look beyond his trials to the eternity God had planned for him. He encourages us to “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV).
God provides comfort during trials. And, through Paul, He offers the best perspective of our most difficult circumstances. Every pain reminds us life here is a temporary condition, and the “light and momentary troubles” we’re asked to endure will be nothing in comparison with all God plans to lavish on us.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV).
Let’s talk about this. How does Paul description of troubles as “light and momentary” make you feel? For the Christian, all hardship is meant to lead us closer to God, what ways have trials helped you in your relationship with Him? How can changing our focus from the trials in front of us to the unseen, the eternal strengthen us?