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Hardships and Trials, Mental illness, surrender

Admitting Depression

Many joke of 2020 was the worst. 

But it was January 2021.

I lived through the nastiest month ever. No lie. No exaggeration. I’ve had bad months or seasons before, where a part of my life was in disarray or reeling from tragedy or loss. But January 2021 had tentacles that spread and infected all areas. Grief over my sister’s death. Surprising marriage problems. Brokenness over the loss of relationships. Severe financial strain. Parenting hardships magnified. Dealing with a no-win situation that left more pain and heartache in its wake. Career sorrow. Small business owner sufferings. Family members in hurting circumstances. Oh, and I had Covid-19. 

I couldn’t eat, sleep, or even function in day-to-day tasks. I cried constantly. I lived in a state of sadness. If something good did happen, I wouldn’t have even noticed. I was participating in 21 days of prayer and fasting. I was on my knees relentlessly pleading to God for help. And yet, I was stuck in my gloom, not able to get out of the muck and mire of the world. I had certainly lost my joy, and I felt unseen by God. 

And I finally called it what it was—depression.I couldn’t eat, sleep, or even function in day-to-day tasks. I cried constantly. I lived in a state of sadness. I finally called it what it was-- depression. Click To Tweet

It was almost as if admitting this to God and others—my husband and dear, godly, safe friends—He opened the way for healing to begin.  a few months since that dark time and every single prayer has been answered—in big and small ways. But when I tell you, MIRACLES have happened, I mean it. I’m talking an unexpected doctor’s visit leading to physical healing I didn’t know I needed, surprise encounters leaving buds of reconciliation and restoration in relationships (with an “s”), and a personal connection that could catapult my career. 

God has moved and is still moving in huge ways, but I had to join Him. In his book, Draw the Circle, Mark Batterson says, “we pray like it depends on God, but work like it depends on us.” 

I knew in order to get out of the depression I was stuck in, I had to take steps of obedience, which meant being open to what He sent my way. I knew in order to get out of the depression I was stuck in, I had to take steps of obedience, which meant being open to what He sent my way. Click To Tweet

So, I prayed. Constantly. Fervently. Even when I felt like I couldn’t, I confessed my inability to God and sat quietly with Him. I listened to worship music and sang. I called upon Romans 8:26, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” 

And then…

I said yes and sought therapy. My husband and I started and are still in Christian counseling, for growth and healing in our marriage, but also individually for our own spiritual and emotional health. 

I said yes to a surprise doctor’s visit and sought advice and care for my physical depression symptoms. 

I said yes to corporate prayer over me. I had three important women in my life offer to help break some enemy strongholds in certain areas. I said, “Yes, please!” This prayer time was life-giving and chain-breaking.

I’m not in a perfect state of health, but I’m so much better. My awful January winter season is turning into a beautiful spring. Looking back, I see it happened when I humbled myself before the Lord and others, exposed my fragility and vulnerability, and admitted I was sick. Confessing my sickness released the power the devil had over me. He loves secrecy and bringing my depression into the open exposed him. I even had someone flinch and say, “I heard you and your husband are in therapy.” It was said like she felt sorry for me, but it freed me to answer with, “Yes, we are. And it’s been awesome for us.”

I’m no counselor but these steps did wonders. God sees you just as He saw me. And He will send help. Are you stuck in a winter season? First, pray. Then be open to what and who God sends your way. God sees you just as He saw me. And He will send help. Click To Tweet

Join the conversation here or in the comments on our Facebook and Instagram pages. How has God proved He sees you lately? What miracles have you witnessed? Do you have an example of God meeting you in your vulnerable state?

 

While you’re here, have you signed up for our Beautiful Mess mother-daughter conference yet? Find out more HERE.Confernece logo

And make sure to grab a copy of our latest Bible study, Unshakable Unbreakable Joy. In it, you’ll learn, among other things, how to experience joy in all relationships. Find out more HERE. (You’ll be able to access each lesson’s video for free!)

 

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Our new Bible reading plan is available now on the YouVersion app! Access it HERE.
God did not create us to live empty, discouraged, fearful, and defeated lives. He created us for joy. A joy greater than our most challenging and chaotic circumstances. Edited by Karen Greer, Rachel Vaughn, and LaShawn Montoya. Voice talent by Linda Goldfarb.

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